Dear Mbak,

After the joyful ride and all the obstacles in last 6 months, I think this is the right time to stop everything.

To this day, I still remember the first time we talk and when I ask you to go out with me in super blue blood moon night. It was fun. I feel like I found a new good friend to chat with.

We both were fine and I never thought anything bad about you for a few months later. But everything is changed after you and I had an argument about your past and how you behave to it. It's not a secret that I care about you. You know it very well. I just don't want you to go back in that 'cave' and trapped in a bad thing forever. Unfortunately, you don't want listen to me because I sound forced you. So I thought I was the guilty one and I said sorry.

I never realized that it was the first red flag I ignored.

I keep the positivity in my mind. I trust you and I ignore everyone who against it. There are so many people who waved the red flag to me, that we both are not gonna make it. Of course I ignore it, I need to fight until the Mighty Lord give me the answer.

I ask the Mighty Lord everytime I pray. Are you the right one to fight for? Is this the best way to do it?

I tried to be patient because I thought I can save you.

But I got that wrong, because you, in the other hand, seems don't want to go out from that cave. You said it to me unconsciously. It was the second red flag. It really gave me a bump.

I choose to stop everything that day, even though my feeling still the same. I just don't want to disappoint myself again and feel sad everytime I saw you.

Several days later, you say you will change and you want me trust you more.
I am so happy, I even burned the second red flag and going away back to you.

But unfortunately, I was wrong again.

I put my hope too high in the bar that I can't reach it or even see it.

I have one big question I never ask you personally. Because I was so scared to hear the answer.

Now, God sent me the answer of the question you will never hear from me.

I still shocked. I can't sleep proper last night and probably It will haunts me everyday from now on. I am sad. I am disappointed.

Mbak, you are a good person. Please, don't let your parents down.

I am so sorry to not stand right to you anymore. I can't suffer myself in supporting you because it's very painful to me. We know both us are too stubborn to stand together.

I hope you have a great future ahead and erase your past wisely.

Sincerely,

Mumuk.